the dove of hope began its downward slope...
renrenee
i've got a job interview today
i really hope it goes well.
cause i always figured i'd lose more weight if i wasnt at home with all the food

anyways
i told myself not ot purge for three days and i'm sticking to it
i've been exercising like double time though
today i've had 150 + 290 = 440 calories
fuck
but i've already done 100 star jumps/ jumping jacks whatever
50 reverse crunches
50 side lunges

i'll do more later
and i've got to walk to this interview. that'll burn some more
fuck. i'm so unhappy about not being able to puke. it sucks. i dont thinkit should be such a big deal.
but idk
 
but today i'm -5lb since monday =]
hope this thing goes well. wish me luck

bleed just to know youre alive
renrenee

today i had
an apple
a slimfast bar

a japanese mini donut
a can of coffee
terriyaki chicken on a stick
veggie sausage
half a wheat roll
a fibre bar

i purged all the italisized stuff
purged and purged until i saw like a trickle of blood in my toilet
is that really bad
i genuinly dont know. god if i could stick to a fast i wouldnt have to deal with it
but i swear things are getting better. little by little. . .very little
down 1.3lbs from earlier
not nearly enough =[
gonna go have some fibre pills...
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i want you. i want you so bad. its driving me mad
renrenee
so i gained like
4lbs
and its really fucking with my head
i cant stop thinking about it
if i cant go running
i really dont know what i'll do
i'm so upset

i just want to be thin
so bad

hunger hurts but starvin works
renrenee

^fiona apple. paper bag lyrics

so i'm starting this blog so that i have a way to keep myself from eating or going near the kitchen or anything like that
i dont have an ED im just a really ... hardcore dieter
my goals:
GW1: 130
GW2: 110
GW3:100!!!
happiness
bliss
joy
rapture

i'm hoping this will help me keep my goals in mind
and that if other people check in it might help them too but
honestly
that doesnt matter so much
i just want to lose the wait soo sooo bad
i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul
i want you to notice when i'm not around....
^ radiohead . creep

so thats that. thats why i'm doing this. its selfish and selfless and its so that i can become the me that i should be

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